We've just got back from a week at the Protur Aparthotel Bonaire in Cala Bona, Majorca, and I've got to say, it was a pretty mixed experience.
Prior to booking the trip, we had been considering shelling out on a private villa with its own pool but, with the little one running about and into everything, decided against it on the basis that as far as swimming pools go, more people equals less risk. We were also encouraged by the numerous glowing reports on Trip Advisor where it was recently voted the top hotel in Europe for families.
Our first impressions were a tad underwhelming. The apartments sit in five numbered blocks and, with their grim, mustard-coloured fascades, are not entirely dissimliar to the Jewish ghettos in Nazi Germany. Still, the blocks are well positioned for all the amenities and are well-insulted from any Spanish culture. Chip in with the odd 'Ola' and you'll be fine... keeps the natives happy...
The apartment was reasonably nice although the lack of partition doors between the bedroom and the living area will be a problem if you've got little ones that you're trying to put to bed. However, the apartment also suffered from a number of additional problems that slowly came to light over the week.
Firstly, the cistern on the toilet stopped filling so we were forced to use the kettle as a makeshift jug to flush the toilet. Then the shower rail, which hadn't been secured to the wall, collapsed and had to be wedged back into place. Then the mixer tap for the shower broke. Or, rather, re-broke, given it was attached with a battered old screw. Fortunately, we were still able to take baths. Unfortunately, the bath was only slightly longer than a Japanese cock. Then the crappy little telly packed up. Which is a pretty big issue when there aren't any nightlife activities for a small toddler so you're confined each night to a small apartment. An engineer came round to fix it and ended up switching it for another crappy little model. All before it came to light that the it was actually the satellite that was playing up. This became clear when we realised that the crappy replacement was defective in itself. In the end, we just thought fuck the telly... fuck the apartment. Which is just as well because then the magnetic door card stopped working and we couldn't get in.
The food was reasonably good and the buffet offered a decent selection although I will guarantee that you'll be heartily sick of fried breakfasts by the end of your stay. I wanted to switch to cereal but the bowls were only large enough to accommodate half a Weetabix. If you're travelling half-board, you also need to ensure to grab a bite to eat in the afternoon or you'll find yourself queuing up outside the restaurant at 6.30pm each evening, with the rest of the malnourished scavengers.
The restaurant staff are very nice although the evening meal is perhaps a little too formal for a destination that's predicated on its child-friendliness. Particularly as our little one still likes to sacrifice one spoonful to the Floor Gods for every two he eats. The Thompson staff are also very good and are an impressive bunch given that their average age appears to be the same as the average combat soldier in Vietnam. According to Paul Hardcastle, anyway.
The facilities are all geared towards children from the age of 3 onwards although, paradoxically, there's not a lot for the 0-3yr old crowd. We alternated our one between a sandpit and a steering wheel nailed to the wall... I mean, he still really enjoyed himself, but, still.
The weather was gorgeous but the swimming pool was freezing and really should've had some heating. It'd also be no bad thing if there were actually enough sunbeds for all the guests. Still, the surrounding area is very picturesque and there are plenty of places to eat overlooking the ocean. It's also quiet and well suited towards families. Families and old people. Which is what it is.
All in all, Protur Aparthotel Bonaire isn't a bad resort. It's just not the private villa we'll be going to next time.
Protur Aparthotel Bonaire (Adults): 5/10.
Protur Aparthotel Bonaire (0-3): 7/10.
Protur Aparthotel Bonaire (3-18): 8/10.
